Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Seasons of Life
I want to take a minute to address the different seasons of life we go through. I just got off the phone to my sister friend (sister in law who is my friend 🙂 ) and we were talking about how its sometimes hard to see other people go through good seasons of life. Not because you aren’t happy or excited for them, but because you are in a hard season and feel like you can barely do the basics…and then you feel like you aren’t good enough.
I am currently coming out of a season where I felt like I could barely keep the family alive. After our second child was born I was in the most difficult season I’ve ever been in. There were days my fussy baby and toddler (they are 15months apart) would both be crying and I would just stand there…a wave of emotions would flood over me… and I would just cry. I felt like I couldn’t handle it. I vividly remember doing this in the middle of my living room like it was yesterday. Between working nightshift as a nurse (I had to go back when my baby was 6 weeks), a super fussy baby, post baby hormones, a busy toddler, NO sleep…I just lost it. I would say it was mild post partum depression. Hormones are a crazy thing. My husband and I weren’t in sync together, we weren’t horrible, but we were in pure survival mode. He would pull nightshift with the little ones, while I was at work, and then he’d drop them off at my parents in the morning and work his 8-5 job. It’s all actually a blur really. We don’t have many memories of our sweet Emi girl because of that.
When I became pregnant with our third, I was able to stop working. This took a huge stress off my shoulders. I was on the down low because of the pregnancy and had circulation issues that were painful, but the fact that I didn’t have to stress about not sleeping due to work, or pulling 12 hours shifts, was huge. And let me just shout out to my nurse friends who are mommy’s…you are rockstars. Its a demanding job, but even more so when you have little ones at home that also need so much from you! As the time came closer to deliver Will I was a little nervous. I didn’t want to have the same feelings I had after Emersyn. I didn’t want to feel like hiding in a closet for days and not taking care of anyone, or laying the fussy baby down and just walking away because she wouldn’t stop crying, or wanting to yell because the littles wouldn’t go down for a nap. I didn’t like those feelings. I decided I needed to be a proactive and increase my quiet time. I knew I would need God’s strength more than ever and wanted to be in a stronger place before number 3 was born. I prayed that I would feel joy when Will was born, and not feel like it was a burden to take care of my children.
I think because of life circumstances, where I was mentally, and God being gracious….I felt that joy. When Will was born my mommy heart was absolutely overflowing and the joy & love I felt for my kids was full. Don’t get me wrong, there are days that are hard, but nothing like in my dark season. I am so thankful that things were different.
Since Will was born I’ve started gardening and blogging. They have been such fun outlets and hobbies. Although I have 3 little ones at home, the oldest isn’t even in school yet, so our life is pretty simple. We don’t have to rush here and there, or even try to fit in homework. So, I realize I have a little more flexibility to fit these things in. But I want those of you who are in hard seasons to know…you are doing amazing. If you feel like the daily grind is overwhelming and that you aren’t doing enough…you are. I am in a good season right now, and I am thankful. But I have been in that season where I thought I’d never feel freedom and that I was failing because I couldn’t even do the basics. If you are in a hard season, please don’t be afraid to ask for help! It takes a village friends! I called my friend sobbing once because I just couldn’t deal with things when I had my 2 kids. I was tired and too overwhelmed. She was here an hour and a half later with her 2 kids and sent me out the door. I think I drove down the street, sat in my car, listened to music and read a book. It takes a village. Did I say that? My mom is also always around and is super supportive, and I realize not everyone has that, so I feel blessed.
Please don’t think you always have to have things put together. You don’t. We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. If you are in a hard season and feel discouraged, know that you aren’t alone. God tells us in His Word that there will be trying seasons in our life… and those seasons refine us. So rely on Him and use your village.
You can also contact me if you need someone to talk to! xo